The A game

I hate it when better writers force me to try (usually in futile) to bring about my "A" game in writing. Good writers/good writing makes me sick because I feel the need to "bring it." That is...my A game.
I am a lazy writer. I do my best writing under deadlines. I have no deadlines except for the ones I set for myself at the moment...therefore I have no good writing...no good stuff...and its frustrating as hell.
Now I know I have a few good A-games in me somewhere....but the effort it takes to call them forth is ridiculous. I cant even spell for godsakes people.
I think I will go listen to George Michael and cry now.
"I'm never gonna dance again, guilty feet have got no rhythm. Though its easy to pretend...I know you're not a fool...."
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!