The Mike Patton obsession

So, going along with the whole theme of having a not fun summer learning caselaw about computer rights and algebra, Corinne retreats into her head...

Ok, so now its story time. There is this guy Mike Patton (you might know him as the singer of the defunct band Faith No More), and I am in love with everything he is about. Now here is the story behind this, which needs to preface the retelling of the highlights of my day, which revolve around Mike Patton. So I was living in San Francisco in 2000 and I started dating this guy I work with who was a M. Patton superfan. He would always talk about him, and I would reply, "oh yeah, the guy from Faith No More...that band was alright..." They had, I think two "hits," that I recalled, but other then that, I could care less about the guy. So anyway, "celebrities" would come into the store every so often (Virgin Megastore). Everyone there was pretty cool with eachother, so the first floor would call someone on the second floor, who would call someone on the third floor, who would call someone else back on the first floor (and so on), if and when someone came in. The guy I was dating (I will refer to him as "J") had to quit working there, but he was convinced that someday Mike Patton would come walking in the store and he would have missed his chance to finally meet the guy (Mike Patton lives in the Bay Area). He made me promise that if said event ever occured, I would attepmt to call J on the phone, or if not possible, at least get Patton to sign something. "Sure, yeah, great, whatever..." I said--knowing at my cynical core that this would never happen.

So then months later, I was at work. It was a slow--middle of the week/day kinda thing, and I was pretty much the only person on the third floor (which was the DVD/movie/book floor for anyone who cares), and there are a few customers. I notice as I am restocking DVD's that someone has walked up to the counter to pay for his items, and I mosey to my register. I didnt look the guy in the eye as I grabbed his stack of 12 or so DVD's. I think about how nice it must be to buy a bunch of useless crap at ones lesisure--still not looking at the guy (as is typical customer service as far as I'm concerned--why do I gotta look at yo face?). About the third DVD, which was Rosemarys Baby, I think I asked the guy something to the effect of "Did you find everything ok." And who do you think is standing in front of me...oh you're a quick one. Mike fucking Patton. I recognized immediatly because of all the pictures J had shown me. SO now I become a moron. He looked pretty damn hot in the pictures I had seen of him, but the live version was WAY better. I began trying to maintain my composure as I continued to ring him up. Again, let me reiterate--the guy is beautiful. I didnt know what to do. "J is gonna be so fucking pissed about this." I had to do something. I tell Patton his total, he hands me money, and as I hand him change, I finally manage to get out the sentence, "I'm sorry, but could I please get your...autograph--for a friend." As the words left my mouth, I felt like the worlds biggest douchebag. But I will never forget, he looks at me surprised--like he couldnt believe I had recognized him. "Oh--yeah, sure," he says, so nice I think I might blow my brains out, "Whats his name." Patton actually signs J's name and everything, gives me a smile, says thanks, and walks to the escolator and out of my life.

I love that memory.
After that day, I started to actually listen to Mike Patton's music, and it WAS really good. They guy has a phenomenal voice. He is actually a pretty respected vocalist and has been involved in SO MANY diffrent bands/projects/records since fucking Faith No More--and continues to be. There is a bit of a cult following for the guy. He can sing the shit out of anything, and he arranges/produces pretty much everything he puts his name on. Did I mention he is the hottest guy on the planet as well?

Needless to say, J almost cried when he heard the whole story...which I hung over his head in mocking superiority untill we broke up. I always told him that should we split, I was taking the autograph with me even though it had J's name on it. Unfortunatly, I left in a hurry and the fucker still has it.

Back to the present....this is a long post, so I leave with this: Came home, flicked on myspace, and there is a video of M. Patton on the front page. Kismet--I didnt know a new Patton project, Peeping Tom, released a record June 30th. Two seconds later, it is downloading on my computer, and now playing in my ears. The album rocks, and no one on iTunes had a bad thing to say about it. So you should buy it. Everyone should buy it. The guy rules.
Look at the picture--if you happen to see him, tell him I said hello.
c-Lo